So i was sitting here, thinking of what i could possibly write, and as i pondered. i got thoughts of all my past "relationships" or what have you's. and i decided why not write on about what was miss placed, or even what my thoughts are now looking back on them.
So Ive realized that the guys Ive liked/loved where "just not that into me" lol i guess with the help of the book I'm reading I now have realized that. So now I know not to waste my time trying to be civil with them. And then I started to think of my teacher and what he said, its stuck in my head.
When I say what do you look for in a Girl/Boy friend? You probably think someone that's Honest, Trustworthy, Loyal, Hot, Cute, Smart, Has Money, right? well what about this, Do you see them in your future? Could you see yourself having a family with them? Do you see yourself living with them? Do you see yourself being married to them? Becoming part of the family? Because after all having a Boy/Girl Friend is just another way to test drive it all. Its like going to buy/lease a car. You try it out if you like it you get it, if you love it you buy it.
Okay maybe that was not a good analogy but the thought crossed your mind and you where thinking that is sooo true... So now that Ive thought about this, its going to make the hard, impossible, because to be honest who looks for a soul mate now and days? Who believes in courtship? I bet more then half the world doesn't even know the meaning of courtship, I bet people don't even remember whats its like to actually have a date and get to know someone, and of course there are those very few that do.
Maybe there is that Mr/Miss right out there and the whole looking is part of the whole experience of finding the "love of your life" that is why its not easy, or not supposed to be at least. So now I look at this whole Relationship thing in a different light, for every one that you waste your time on will make you apprecitate the one that will be forever, But how do you find "the one" when the world is so BIG???
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Drifting
So here i am 4 A.M writing a blog, because i cant sleep. this is reoccurring with me, staying up late sleeping in, I'm trying to change this habit but its not working, oh well. Ive tried everything but i just cant sleep.
So i watched Greys Anatomy i must say it was quite interesting. (Thats A Banner I Made Of The McMen)
McDreamy & McSteamy fighting, Derek just out of no where punches McSteamy, wow. i think maybe McDreamy didn't feel alive, or real, or maybe he didn't feel human, he need something to wake him up so a "I Kicked His Ass" was in order. This show is so great!
on ward.
I watched Nights In Rodanthe, Oh My Gosh, that movie very very good! Very Beautiful.(Thats My Banner For The Movie.)
yes it was sad, i will not say why because maybe you haven't seen it, but its a very good romance movie, you can feel it everything it is what i wish romance was like again, the courtship. where did all that go, the guy calls you and takes you out for dinner you talk have a good time and he walks you to your door and he kisses you on the cheek for a good night kiss. what happened to all the good men out there? and if you live by any please send them my way.
like most Ive had my luck with guys, which is to say the least it was not good luck, where is the one guy i will spend my life with? maybe hes not out there, maybe I'm wasting my time looking. Maybe all the "good guys" of today are gone, to many broken families. I look at my family and see what i wish to only have when i am my parents age. My mother was in her late 20's when she got married, i wonder if someday i will get married? have a family? have a better career? today in society we have made are children grow to fast, i feel that being 22 i still am a child, there is a big world out there and it is scary. I'm not afraid to admit that i am afraid. but how do you do it?
i guess i need to take that leap, and hope that maybe someone will be there if i fall. but i feel that Ive already started to fall and no one is there. i guess i can only hope that when i do fall i fall on my feet.
BB42/Silv
So i watched Greys Anatomy i must say it was quite interesting. (Thats A Banner I Made Of The McMen)
McDreamy & McSteamy fighting, Derek just out of no where punches McSteamy, wow. i think maybe McDreamy didn't feel alive, or real, or maybe he didn't feel human, he need something to wake him up so a "I Kicked His Ass" was in order. This show is so great!on ward.
I watched Nights In Rodanthe, Oh My Gosh, that movie very very good! Very Beautiful.(Thats My Banner For The Movie.)
yes it was sad, i will not say why because maybe you haven't seen it, but its a very good romance movie, you can feel it everything it is what i wish romance was like again, the courtship. where did all that go, the guy calls you and takes you out for dinner you talk have a good time and he walks you to your door and he kisses you on the cheek for a good night kiss. what happened to all the good men out there? and if you live by any please send them my way.like most Ive had my luck with guys, which is to say the least it was not good luck, where is the one guy i will spend my life with? maybe hes not out there, maybe I'm wasting my time looking. Maybe all the "good guys" of today are gone, to many broken families. I look at my family and see what i wish to only have when i am my parents age. My mother was in her late 20's when she got married, i wonder if someday i will get married? have a family? have a better career? today in society we have made are children grow to fast, i feel that being 22 i still am a child, there is a big world out there and it is scary. I'm not afraid to admit that i am afraid. but how do you do it?
i guess i need to take that leap, and hope that maybe someone will be there if i fall. but i feel that Ive already started to fall and no one is there. i guess i can only hope that when i do fall i fall on my feet.
BB42/Silv
Monday, February 16, 2009
Out of place
so my brother is here visiting, from Ohio. and I'm happy hes here cuz i hardly see him! (Thats Him in the pic!) so my mom decided to cook dinner today, i remember when i was younger and .JPG)
the family would come over or we would have a party she would cook these great big Italian meals that we would have a weeks worth of left overs.
Any way we where younger when she use to cook as we got older we would start to cook for ourselves as we where in school and everyone worked. and now she cooked today, i'm not saying its a bad thing, it was just weird. as i was sitting there with the roast, potatoes, and carets in front of me and my niece to my right my parents both in front of me and my brother to my left, i felt out of place. like as if i was in some movie. it was weird and funny at the same time. But i sat there and just felt like i didn't belong there.
I didn't understand it, it seemed like something great that we where all sitting there as a family but then some how i just felt like i didn't belong like i should'nt be apart of this family. i felt abstract and out of place. It was great for that brief moment we all got to be a family again. but it was just so weird in my mind.
i sat there and ate my food fast and then left. i think that something is wrong with e and i don't know what it is. and maybe I'm just making more of what it is but. IDK, Ive always been weird and out of place when it comes to my family i guess.
BB42/Silv
.JPG)
the family would come over or we would have a party she would cook these great big Italian meals that we would have a weeks worth of left overs.Any way we where younger when she use to cook as we got older we would start to cook for ourselves as we where in school and everyone worked. and now she cooked today, i'm not saying its a bad thing, it was just weird. as i was sitting there with the roast, potatoes, and carets in front of me and my niece to my right my parents both in front of me and my brother to my left, i felt out of place. like as if i was in some movie. it was weird and funny at the same time. But i sat there and just felt like i didn't belong there.
I didn't understand it, it seemed like something great that we where all sitting there as a family but then some how i just felt like i didn't belong like i should'nt be apart of this family. i felt abstract and out of place. It was great for that brief moment we all got to be a family again. but it was just so weird in my mind.
i sat there and ate my food fast and then left. i think that something is wrong with e and i don't know what it is. and maybe I'm just making more of what it is but. IDK, Ive always been weird and out of place when it comes to my family i guess.
BB42/Silv
Supermarkets
So i went to Kroger yesterday with my mother. i love the supermarket, just because if you ever want to meet someone, that's your place. you can tell so much from what people buy. are they healthy? do they live at home or on their own? do they have children? its great. of course until you run into someone you don't want and me being me that had to happen.
Okay i will admit i never had anything with this person, but of course i was love struck by them. it was not the way they looked but their personally i had fallen in love with. after all when you fall in love, i mean truly in love its not about looks but about personality, the way they make you smile the way they make you look at them, all of that is love.
so of course i did love him, 3 yrs. to him it was most likely unknown but none the less i did. but i hid behind my mom, when i turned from the non fat yogurt to look around the store there he was standing by the chips and pop it was as if time had actually paused for a brief moment in time, as i turned and then hid in front of my mom as she asked what was wrong, i simply told her, my old love/crush is here.
it was quit interesting as i stood there and thought that all my feelings for him had vanished but as soon as i saw him, my heart jumped out of my mouth and on to the floor, well not literally but it sure felt like it. I avoid him as much as i could through the supermarket, i know it is a bit childish. and with child's being mentioned his wife was there as well, yes he got married, of course this was after my whole love/crush thing going on. interesting, as i saw their child.
well as i was walking in the frozen section of the supermarket they where on the other side and i looked up and towards him and then my phone went off and so i looked away and checked my phone, as i did that he looked at me and then when i looked back up he looked away. how do i know this because my mother told me as i walked to her.
then there was my chance he was standing in the frozen section with all the microwaveable meals i was going to go up to him and nudge him and be like hey funny running into you here, but i had to go to the other side my mother needed something. there goes my chance. and then we ended in the lane to check out next to them i was going to say hi or something but my chance was blown again.
it was very interesting because as we were in line i saw they had their baby, it is amazing how so much can change in 5 yrs.
BB42/Silv
Okay i will admit i never had anything with this person, but of course i was love struck by them. it was not the way they looked but their personally i had fallen in love with. after all when you fall in love, i mean truly in love its not about looks but about personality, the way they make you smile the way they make you look at them, all of that is love.
so of course i did love him, 3 yrs. to him it was most likely unknown but none the less i did. but i hid behind my mom, when i turned from the non fat yogurt to look around the store there he was standing by the chips and pop it was as if time had actually paused for a brief moment in time, as i turned and then hid in front of my mom as she asked what was wrong, i simply told her, my old love/crush is here.
it was quit interesting as i stood there and thought that all my feelings for him had vanished but as soon as i saw him, my heart jumped out of my mouth and on to the floor, well not literally but it sure felt like it. I avoid him as much as i could through the supermarket, i know it is a bit childish. and with child's being mentioned his wife was there as well, yes he got married, of course this was after my whole love/crush thing going on. interesting, as i saw their child.
well as i was walking in the frozen section of the supermarket they where on the other side and i looked up and towards him and then my phone went off and so i looked away and checked my phone, as i did that he looked at me and then when i looked back up he looked away. how do i know this because my mother told me as i walked to her.
then there was my chance he was standing in the frozen section with all the microwaveable meals i was going to go up to him and nudge him and be like hey funny running into you here, but i had to go to the other side my mother needed something. there goes my chance. and then we ended in the lane to check out next to them i was going to say hi or something but my chance was blown again.
it was very interesting because as we were in line i saw they had their baby, it is amazing how so much can change in 5 yrs.
BB42/Silv
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Findings
okay so here i am again. like i said I'm sure no one reads these blogs, maybe if i was famous in some way they would, I'm just a lonely nobody on the earth doing my part of both taking care of it and destroying it.
well like i said in my previous blog i have another blogging area thing, and well i found it here is the link if you would like to read some of those blogs on there.
http://bambeano42.livejournal.com/
Its called live journal but like i said before i never have anyone read my blogs, or maybe they do but they just don't leave a comment. i guess its kinda sad if i just write and no one reads my writing. But here I am continuing to write hoping maybe some one is out there reading my blogs.
So today is Valentines day, and of course once again i have no Valentine. My friends and i where going to do this dinner thing where we each brought are own dish and spent Valentines day with each other but, once again i'm hoed out my one friend found a guy to spend Valentines day with and my other went to her other friends house. well i would say this i didn't really care much, because like i told my friend, i don't plan things for the future because when they don't happen you only disappoint yourself in the end. So here's to another year of Valentines day alone. (raises glass sips beer)
on another note, i went and saw the Jason movie last night! i must say it was good, like the others he finds a mask kills a bunch of kids, and a cop, then the one or two kids find away to beat him and then kill him then throw him back in crystal lake, and just when they think hes dead BAM he comes out of the water to take one down with him lol. no wonder the critics gave the movie a C and users gave it a B+ i think its quite interesting, to see that the viewers are now rating the movies, and i don't think that the viewers quite understand what the critics really do to rate the movie i mean there is so much you must rate not on just how scary it was, you need to watch for camera angels, you need to watch for placement of props, of why this was there and why that was there and how did he get from there to there and should they run and how much blood and goer there should be. i mean when it comes down to every last detail the critics know best, right?
i wouldn't mind being a critic, i get yea a lot of actors and producers would hate you but in the long run wouldn't you rather have some one be perfectly blunt with you then to lie? I guess that's one thing that's wrong with America these days is that to many people lie.
and on that note i say farewell.
BB42/Silv
well like i said in my previous blog i have another blogging area thing, and well i found it here is the link if you would like to read some of those blogs on there.
http://bambeano42.livejournal.com/
Its called live journal but like i said before i never have anyone read my blogs, or maybe they do but they just don't leave a comment. i guess its kinda sad if i just write and no one reads my writing. But here I am continuing to write hoping maybe some one is out there reading my blogs.
So today is Valentines day, and of course once again i have no Valentine. My friends and i where going to do this dinner thing where we each brought are own dish and spent Valentines day with each other but, once again i'm hoed out my one friend found a guy to spend Valentines day with and my other went to her other friends house. well i would say this i didn't really care much, because like i told my friend, i don't plan things for the future because when they don't happen you only disappoint yourself in the end. So here's to another year of Valentines day alone. (raises glass sips beer)
on another note, i went and saw the Jason movie last night! i must say it was good, like the others he finds a mask kills a bunch of kids, and a cop, then the one or two kids find away to beat him and then kill him then throw him back in crystal lake, and just when they think hes dead BAM he comes out of the water to take one down with him lol. no wonder the critics gave the movie a C and users gave it a B+ i think its quite interesting, to see that the viewers are now rating the movies, and i don't think that the viewers quite understand what the critics really do to rate the movie i mean there is so much you must rate not on just how scary it was, you need to watch for camera angels, you need to watch for placement of props, of why this was there and why that was there and how did he get from there to there and should they run and how much blood and goer there should be. i mean when it comes down to every last detail the critics know best, right?
i wouldn't mind being a critic, i get yea a lot of actors and producers would hate you but in the long run wouldn't you rather have some one be perfectly blunt with you then to lie? I guess that's one thing that's wrong with America these days is that to many people lie.
and on that note i say farewell.
BB42/Silv
Getting To Know
Okay to start off i believe i have another blog some where around here, lol. I'm not saying it ran away or got lost. I'm only saying i need to find it. and of course i also have my M-Space. I love to write its a passion of mine i have, i would like to become a writer, but i would be a very stubborn one. this is why. one because i like to write with pencil or pen doesn't matter, but i feel it makes the material your own. and second i have bad grammar and punctuation... not to mention i cant spell well, thank Bill Gates for Spell Check!! yay!
Okay now onto a bit of me. if you all want to know and of course if
anyone reads this. The Name is Silvia, Thats me in the picture. Call me Silv. I'm 22! woot! I live in MI, that's Michigan, its not that special here, the roads suck totally i swear every time my friends and i drive over a pot hole i always make a comment like, dang that was a big one we almost didn't get out, or holy penguins (yes i say that) that one was so big we almost got lost! so Michigan roads bad. its all due to the cold weather we have here, want to go to the craziest place that has weather come join us Michiganers, lol. one day it will be raining and really windy, next day you go outside to find snow on your car, lol.
okay guess that really wasn't about me but more about my state lol. okay so here is some info about me. again i love to write, i have adhd, so i tend to go off subject as you just read above, i have a handle on it, and i also think sometimes i'm ocd, having to do stuff more then once sometimes or having to be really neat. My friends think I'm crazy but hey if they thought i was that crazy i think they would have left me by now lol.
Okay on a lighter note, well technically i never got heavy on any notes, but i just like that saying. I'm just here to blog it see if i get anything that bites and reads these blogs of mine. I mean i don't know if anyone really listens...well reads but you know if you happen to read and are all the way through please leave a small comment anything you could just say Hi and that would be fine with me lol. Just so i know I'm not on here wasting..... well not really wasting anything i suppose. so with that i guess I'm signing off.
BB42/Silv
Okay now onto a bit of me. if you all want to know and of course if
anyone reads this. The Name is Silvia, Thats me in the picture. Call me Silv. I'm 22! woot! I live in MI, that's Michigan, its not that special here, the roads suck totally i swear every time my friends and i drive over a pot hole i always make a comment like, dang that was a big one we almost didn't get out, or holy penguins (yes i say that) that one was so big we almost got lost! so Michigan roads bad. its all due to the cold weather we have here, want to go to the craziest place that has weather come join us Michiganers, lol. one day it will be raining and really windy, next day you go outside to find snow on your car, lol.okay guess that really wasn't about me but more about my state lol. okay so here is some info about me. again i love to write, i have adhd, so i tend to go off subject as you just read above, i have a handle on it, and i also think sometimes i'm ocd, having to do stuff more then once sometimes or having to be really neat. My friends think I'm crazy but hey if they thought i was that crazy i think they would have left me by now lol.
Okay on a lighter note, well technically i never got heavy on any notes, but i just like that saying. I'm just here to blog it see if i get anything that bites and reads these blogs of mine. I mean i don't know if anyone really listens...well reads but you know if you happen to read and are all the way through please leave a small comment anything you could just say Hi and that would be fine with me lol. Just so i know I'm not on here wasting..... well not really wasting anything i suppose. so with that i guess I'm signing off.
BB42/Silv
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